If I Were You, I Would Not Put Up with That...
I have learned to seldom, if ever, say those words to anyone else in a committed relationship.
Here is the unique thing about marriages - they are all wildly unique and each participant is seated at his or her own controls. That means that YOU are in charge of the pace and the direction of your marriage and you cannot lay a pre-set template over it, based on your girlfriend's or even your mama's directives. As you grow in your relationship you will come to realize that it is ever dynamic - it changes because you change - it moves based on the stimuli you feed it.
If you feed it Death, it will reflect Death back to you.
This is what death looks like: complaining, criticism, stagnation, anger, bad-mouthing, unforgiveness, and just having an overall funky attitude. How can something positive grow in such an environment?
Wisdom allows you to receive counsel from others moving in the direction that you want to pursue - and then FILTER IT through the lenses of your own marriage. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to your spouse. Just because something worked for your co-worker, that doesn't mean you can bring the exact model home and apply it to your circumstances.
But don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
Honor your marriage - honor it enough to find the appropriate solution that will work for you. It's almost like performing surgery - the right precision tools for the right issues. And keep in mind, what worked yesterday may not work tomorrow. Don't let that frustrate you - just embrace the reality that your marriage is an ever growing organism, that will demand different responses in changing seasons. Step up to the plate and lean into it - the challenge will keep you fresh and on top of your game. Learning what works for you, for your spouse in YOUR marriage, is like hitting a homerun - oftentimes you couldn't even explain it to someone else if you wanted to, but you and your boo, know when you are in perfect rhythm - and that is priceless.
Until Next Time,
Happily Married
