The 1/3 Rule
Here is a fresh concept that will help your marriage grow. First of all it is based on intention, organizing your behavior in a manner that will bring forth fruit. And it is also based on external relationships which can and do play a big part on the personality of your own bond.
Allow me to explain the 1/3 rule.
As a couple, it would behoove you to spend 1/3 of your time with couples who are less experienced than you. Spend 1/3 of your time with people on your same level. And spend 1/3 of your time with couples who are farther along the journey then you.
So here's an example: if you've been married for 5 years, spend a portion of your time and energy with newlyweds. You can minister to them and encourage them, letting them know about pit falls and proactive behaviors that would enhance their new marriage. And you will also mentor them just by your behavior - how they see you and your spouse relate can serve as a guide for them.
Also spend an equal amount of time with those married for 4-7 years. This group is your sounding board - the unit that shares with and encourages one another and keeps it real. These married friends should be a safe haven for you, not a place of gossip or judgment.
And the third group should be comprised of those married over 20 years. You always want to give your marriage something to shoot for. These couples will pull you up and help paint the picture of how and why you should "hang in there".
Here are some important points about the 1/3 rule. It is not a question of quantity - you don't have to have 10 people in each category. A few quality choices can work just fine. Also, these relationships can be formal or informal. You don't have to identify each person and let them know where they stand. Now for the couples who are more mature than you, feel free to tell them you want to spend time with them occasionally. That can also serve as momentum and service for them - and truthfully, you will actually be serving in on of their groups of 1/3. You see, we are all on a journey and we actually strengthen ourselves when we reach beyond ourselves to encourage others.
The bottom line is this - you want to be intentional about how and with whom you spend your time with as a couple. Your choices can make a big difference in the long run.
Onward & Upward,
Happily Married
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